India Trip and the dichotomy in being a Mom and a child.

Dear Vedant,

My two week trip to India to take care of Amma has been a learning experience. When I left, I was really sad to leave you and go. Through out the journey, I would see other kids and ache to see you. I was also worried about Avva. As soon as I saw her in the ICU though, I knew immediately that I did the right thing. She needed me, so did Thatha. She was not in good shape at all. And I think, for the first time, I saw Thatha rattled like that. I don’t know what it was. Anyhow, I did as much as I could and took care of them both. And Geethu peddamma came and took over from me.

I am returning, with mixed feelings though. When I was leaving them to board my plane in India, I felt great pain in leaving them behind and then the great joy that I know awaits me at home. It is a strange feeling. One day I will tell you, how I sort of came of age at the fag end of this trip. One day, you will too. I will be there for you then too, as I am now.

Lots of Love Kanna, see you soon,

Amma

Chatting with you from India

Dear Vedant,

I missed you terribly when I was in India. I had to leave to take care of Avva. You and I chatted using Facetime on the iPad pretty much every day. You would not let me hang up at all. I saw you in tears once when I was about to hang up, heart breaking L I think for the first time, I felt physical pain like this. Once you hugged the screen, kissed it too. I would show you Banana and Mango and entertain you. You realized that Thatha was there and so was Avva later. You saw the fan and sort of knew where I was. When Geethu peddamma came, you surprised everyone by saying “Geethu Peddamma Amma ke right me he”. Seeing you on the iPad kept me going. And in a few hours, I will get to hold you again. I plan on holding on for a long time.

Lots of Love,

Amma

It's sab eat time Vedant - Papa

Dear Vedant,

Papa is so good at feeding you, I want you to know that. Whenever, things become difficult, which they do when you refuse to eat sabji or daal, or roti entirely, papa steps in. He has a way of making up stories, most recent ones are “is bite ke andar pata kya chupa he?”. It used to be sugar, but now it is “Protein!, carbo!”. Haha. He askes you “vedu mila?”, and you nod happily and say “Yes!, mila”.

Always remember papa’s love.

Love,

Amma

Loving your shades...

Dear Vedant,

Off late you have really started loving your dark glasses. I brought these ones for you from a LinkedIn conference in Oct 2012. In the beginning you never liked them, in fact, in the summer of 2011, I tried to make you wear sunglasses, but you would have none of it. Now, however, you really like them. I think you started liking them after our trip to Yosemite, when you saw Bua wear hers. You also keep them on top of your head just like older people.

Just a cute phase like others. I let you wear it when you want to. 

Love,

Amma

Amma Pretty. Papa Handsome :)

Dear Vedant,

This is our little game, you and I. Amma and baby. I taught you to say “Amma is pretty, Papa is handsome.” You, naughty you, twist it and ask me “Amma handsome.” And I go “noooooo but noooo”. Your eyes are always gleaming when we do this J Most recently, I have now started doing what papa calls “Reverse psychology”. I say “Vedu, amma handsome?” and you say “No! Amma pretty!!”.

We also include Viji peddamma, sid nana, bua, everyone in it. I LOVE this phase of silly games. Makes me very happy, I also feel that I am able to connect with you via these little games.

Hugs & Kisses,

Amma

Writing to you makes me feel good

Dear Vedant,

Just want you to know that writing to you makes me feel good. I hope you enjoy reading these when you are older. Also, I hope you find the same joy, comfort in writing when you are older.

Love,

Amma

Parenting with Love and Logic

Dear Vedant,

I am reading this book right now and it really speaks to my heart and mind. When I mentioned to Robyn, a friend at work that I am reading this, she said “That’s perfect, that’s exactly you, love and logic”. I felt so good J The book talks about four things:

• Teaching you that you are a great person, "self-concept"
• Sharing control with you
• Helping you to "think" for yourself
• Teaching you to be responsible, "consequences"

The book also mentions, several times, that we should keep anger, frustration out of the disciplining effort. It is going to be hard to do, but I think that is really what is needed. Especially for me. Last week I fired you, perhaps the worst you have got for taking the artificial flowers and playing with them. I also got mad because I thought you were going to hit Anika with them. I am sorry. I should not have done that. Next time, I will follow the book and do the “Uh-oh” routine, with Love.

Lots and lots of love to you kanna. Wish I could hold you right now and give you a kiss.

Amma